Just Jeans

In a recent episode of the Colbert Report, Steven railed on Levi’s because of this little gem of a new product. Please see the picture to the left for a clarification; behold the Ex-Girlfriend jean! I’m assuming they are called that because your girlfriend would dump you after discovering you stole a pair of jeans too tight for her.  No, that’s not weird looking paint on the guy’s legs; it’s an actual pair of hyper-tight jeans. Just today another friend of mine, who shall remain nameless (Gary Wilson of Snellville, GA) linked me to the site and also ridiculed the product and attacked Levi’s for marketing it. Let’s get something straight here; they’re just jeans.

Do they look ridiculous? Yes. Would I be caught dead in them? Well, if I were dead I guess it would be up to whomever is dressing me up…but no, if I had a say in the matter, no. And this is coming from someone who also wears pretty damn tight jeans, but tight within reason. I have the legs for it, OK? But so what? If someone wants to wear these fashion grenades, why not?

Now, I’ve heard the jeans described as “all kinds of gay.” First of all, gays have pretty good fashion sense, and I’m fairly certain they wouldn’t be caught dead in those, either, unless someone else was dressing them up, of course. No, the Levi’s Ex-Girlfriend jeans are more tailored to the tastes of emo-hipster p♥♥♥ ies with thighs too thick to really make them work. You know,  Apple users. They provide good balance to thick rimmed glasses and stained, Marvel superhero T-shirts.  My nameless friend also rhetorically asked me “how does [someone] wear those?” My initial guess was “with pliers and impressive arm strength,” but then I realized he was asking the question in a more conceptual vein. But you know what? How does someone name their only son Kiefer? Some people make weird decisions; that’s life. Do we need to attack the Levi’s corporation because of it?

I then received a follow up rhetorical question: “Why do some women find that attractive?” In general I’m not so sure Levi’s selling a style of jean is necessarily indicative of women finding the said style attractive. But again, some women enjoy being lathered in 1,000 Island dressing while getting spanked by cricket bats. Are those women representative of general female-kind? If only! Am, I right? …ahem, moving on…Anyway, I really don’t know what percentage of women would find that style of jean attractive, but my guess is it would be less than the percentage who tolerate their boyfriends’ horrible fashion sense because they can talk about Jack Kerouac together over a Starbucks Latte.

So, people, let’s relax about all this, and cut Levi’s some slack. I mean, in the 80’s people wore white-washed jeans with elastic ankle cuffs; did the world end? No, that’s scheduled to happen in 2012.

Later days,


One thought on “Just Jeans”

  1. A friend of mine wears the “boyfriend” cut jeans sometimes, which are apparently super comfy and not at all sexy. Her sister jokes that they’re called that because you can only wear them after you have a boyfriend and no longer need to impress anyone. Maybe the ex-girlfriend jeans are for the same reasons.. you wear them in your post-relationship emo phase.

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